This post isn’t about the beloved 80’s show, sorry. Is my age showing?
I never knew coding would cause me physical pain.
I wasn’t going to write about this topic at all, but it’s something I’m going through and if another newbie was going through it, I’d like to know. I just don’t want to only share the amazing or technical parts of this journey, I want to also share the not so great moments.
Yesterday afternoon while I was at work I received an email from the small business app I’m working on. My pseudo-boss told that the site I was working on, though nice, would probably used later on and that at this point in the project, I should use the code my classmates and I built during the Project_<code> class. When I read those words, my heart ached, my stomach turned in knots and I was upset. So upset I stepped away form my desk to have a moment.
This was my baby… how can she be shunned? I wanted to plead her case and defend her, explain her potential and what I planned to do with her. I was upset, wanted to grab my code, hug and console her, explain that she was good enough, it’s just time is not on our side.
A bunch of things were going through my mind those first 2 hours after I read the email: hurt, confusion, betrayal. And a lot of questions ran through my mind at 100 miles an hour.
I really wasn’t.
Is this what I truly want? Do I want to work this close with clients or do I want to just design/code for a big company and not have this much interaction with knowing why things I created were passed over? Should I be THIS attached to my code that I can’t see past it? What’s really the best thing for this project? Does my design suck? Am I a failure now that my code won’t be going live? Should I walk away? Is this a common occurrence?
Asking myself these questions brought up other thoughts:
Am I a bad designer/coder/developer if I’m not giving the client what they want? Am I listening to the needs/wants of my client? What did the client originally want and is my code fulfilling that? Am I strong enough to put my personal (at the moment butthurt) feelings to the side and step up to this challenge and REALLY bring it?
Asking myself these last sets of questions eased my heart. Yes, I my ego was bruised, but it didn’t mean I was going to let that get in the way of creating something else my client would not only find functional, but adore. I love challenges and this wrench being thrown into my plans, does not mean that my code failed. It doesn’t mean that I failed. I’m going to step up and make site be everything my client wants/needs it to be.
This is a lesson I’m glad I’m learning now and not when I’m working for an actual company. The design and code, it’s not about me. It’s about the client and showcasing their product in a direct way to the user.
If working all the hours and sweat I poured into that website meant learning THIS lesson, then it was worth it. Besides, just because my code won’t be utilized, it doesn’t mean it can’t go on my portfolio, I’m still going to tweak that code to be everything I ever wanted it to be.
because, Oprah, that’s why! Courtsey of memegenerator.net