I haven’t dropped off the face of the Earth. I’m still around, avoiding my blog… because I’ve only had one thing on my mind and I know if I came on, I’d have to face it. I’m finally ready to face it.
Things I learned: If the class isn’t directly after work, or on my way home, I shouldn’t attend unless it’s like, an AMAZING event. The class took place in the Bronx, where I live, but you never stop to realize HOW big the Bronx is, until you have to commute across town at 10 pm. Thank god for cabs.
Okay, now, for the moment of truth… I even stalled for an hour to not face what I don’t want to admit outside of myself. Two weeks ago I saw the small business owner that I worked on for the New York Public Library program. I had an amazing meeting and it was GREAT. It felt like a great meeting of the minds. During the meeting he had asked me for my resume, to gauge my experience and what my general background has been and I’ve just been STUCK on updating my resume. I don’t know why, he just wants to see a work history, as he already knows I haven’t been developing for too long.
He did reached out and wanted to meet last Friday, but I had a previously scheduled work engagement. I told him I would send my resume soon, but haven’t. I’m scared to. I am scared to take this first step into something I’ve been wanting for a really long time: to work in an artistic/creative field where everyday is different and I am able to problem solve.
I currently (almost) have this in my life, at my job. I’m never bored at my job. I have deadlines, demanding clients, problems to resolve and things to juggle. The only thing really missing is the artistic aspect of it. I really love my job and I’m not sure I’m ready to put myself in a position where job offers will come my way (I must be crazy, right?). I know even starting off somewhere as a junior developer I’d be making more money. But it’s not about money for me, I will never shun more money away, trust me. I’m not scared of switching fields, working in a male dominated field or having to start in a new place from scratch. I’m scared of working with people that are assholes.
The main reason why I ADORE my job is because of the people I work with. I spent 4 years in my current field and it was in a very hostile environment, one so bad that HR departments would be busy dealing with lawsuits for months. I was ready to just quit, but I couldn’t due to having a child. That’s why I decided to get into development. Build up skills to have something else to fall back on. The past 7 months I’ve been working at a really great place, with amazing people. I like waking up and going to work in the morning. I CARE about my projects again. I don’t want to lose that. If I was making more money in a hostile environment like I have in the past, I would probably walk away. No amount of money can make up for that.
I know it’s silly. Showing my resume to one person isn’t going to have hundreds of job openings fall at my feet. Or dozens of headhunters knocking on my door for a chance to recruit me.
Sigh, let me go dust of my resume and update the thing already.